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27 thoughts I had while viewing ‘The Wedding Planner’ again

It’s another Christmas-off pandemic week, which means it’s high time for a rom-com recap … because what are we really doing now other than fully updating Netflix?

Today’s pick is the 2001 gem, The Wedding Planner, with Jennifer Lopez as the wedding planner and Matthew McConaughey as the dashing groom she accidentally falls in love with. (Note: this story was written before McConaughey made some ill-advised comments on the “far left.” So let’s just agree to live for a moment in a world he hasn’t done yet.) Let’s dive in, shall we?

  • Before we start, I want to point out that this movie is a little over 90 minutes long, which is the optimal length of the movie. Spare me the three-hour epics, Scorsese!

  • We are opening a bride who calls herself fat in tears because … 2001. J.Lo reassures her professionally with an expert speech, because that is her job.

  • One of the gags in this movie is that J.Lo wears a small headset and performs a wedding like it’s a rocket launch. I won’t notice this every time it happens, but a lot does happen.

  • Hey Judy Greer!

  • Now we see J. Lo settle into her apartment for an evening of dinner, antiques roadshow, wine and vacuuming, which I think is supposed to set her up as a lonely virgin but actually feels like an extreme vibe. Am i old

  • We know J. Lo is nice because she plays Scrabble with seniors, one of whom is her dad trying to match her with an Italian guy she once met on vacation. (Note: He’s played by Justin Chambers, Alex Karev of Grey’s Anatomy, who I believe isn’t on the show anymore, but I wouldn’t know because I just couldn’t make it through my attempted pandemic re-watch could.)

  • Question: Why does Jennifer Lopez, the daughter of Puerto Rican parents, play an Italian in this film? 2001 baby

  • Hey, Kathy Najimy! I could hear her say “Chuppah” forever.

  • J.Lo wants to become a partner in her wedding planning company. (Agency? Boutique? I don’t know what to call it.) You know that as a background.

  • We meet a very tall, angular blonde woman at another wedding that turns out to be a client of the J.Lo Star Society. I wonder who the groom will be …

  • Physical comedy time! J.Los conservative beige heel is stuck in a grate and she is almost taken out by a rolling dumpster, but luckily Matthew McConaughey shows up to rescue her knightly style. Big Revelation: He’s a pediatric surgeon and all of his little patients love him, so obviously she’s going to have to marry him.

  • Comment from my roommate, whose sister is a real pediatrician: “You don’t spend that much time playing with the kids. It’s mostly medicine and paperwork. “

  • Thanks to the support of Judy Greer, J. Lo and Matt are suddenly alone at a carnival (?) And OMG are totally dancing in the moonlight.

  • Just want to mention that Matthew McConaughey has lesbian energy in tiny glasses. I can’t really explain it. It is just like that.

  • In another dramatic dance scene, we learn that Matt is engaged to the angular blonde whose wedding J.Lo is planning. Theatre!

  • I just found out that the bride’s name is Fran, which I would like to call either (a) my future daughter or (b) my future dog. Maybe I’ll stop calling her “the bride” or “the angular blonde” and start calling her Fran.

  • Alex Karev inexplicably pretends to be J.Los fiancé, and he also puts an Italian accent that sounds more like a borate impression.

  • On a group ride with the bride’s rich, chic parents, J.Los horse runs away with her, but Matt also saves her on horseback and effortlessly shovels her onto his own horse. Real cowboy shit!

  • Back home, J.Lo’s sweet older father teaches her about his arranged marriage to her late mother, which started out rocky but turned out to be beautiful. 🙂 🙂

  • Fran has to fly east to work, which leaves J. Lo and Matt to plan the wedding and throw herself into the air. We find out that Matt wants a small wedding because he is super chilled, boys rock, etc. They break off the genitals of an apparently old and expensive statue. Matt apologizes for being rude to J.Lo previously, and it’s clear on.

  • Alex Karev sells J.Lo through the “low-budget miracle” of instant mac and cheese, which I honestly can’t be mad at. They have dinner together at their apartment, and he notes that J. Lo is clearly 100% in love with Matt.

  • At the flower market, we learn that (1) Fran was extremely cold in college (like so cold she played), and (2) J.Lo’s ex-fiancé is now married to the woman he cheated on her with . The woman is pregnant too. In response, J.Lo gets so drunk she can’t properly identify her apartment (relatable!), And Matt has to take her home. She and Matt have some confusing, flirtatious moments that culminate in Matt confessing his love, but J. Lo rejects him. Good for you! It’s not just the “far left” thing; I’ve never been so delighted with McConaughey, tbh.

  • Fran comes back and suddenly doesn’t want to marry Matt anymore, but J.Lo convinces her differently with a prepared You-Can-Do-It speech.

  • At a birthday party for one of J.Los Scrabble friends, Alex Karev publicly proposes. Ouch! And … how to steal that poor old man’s moment! Oh god, he made her a dollhouse that is incredibly cute. J. Lo says “OK” or, more precisely, writes it down on a Scrabble board. Nerd.

  • Matt and Fran’s wedding anniversary has arrived and Matt pulls Fran away to let her admit she doesn’t really want to marry him. They are over.

  • J.Lo is preparing for her own wedding – in a tasteful but adorable off-the-shoulder dress, veil, and pillbox hat – when Matt runs to City Hall to end the proceedings. It works out. Poor Massimo!

  • Eventually we learn that Fran fled to Tahiti after the wedding. Am I wrong if I just want a sequel about Fran?

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